The #1 biggest challenge of having a large family isn’t money. It’s this.
As a mom to seven, I can tell you that having a large family is not for the faint of heart. Some presume that affordability is the biggest challenge to having a big family, but that isn’t always the case.
Yes, money is a requirement to raising a family, but It also requires devotion, time, and a ton of sacrifice to be a parent to one kid or two- but to many? It requires a whole lot more.
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My husband comes from a family with one sibling. I come from a family of six. Neither of us thought we would have as many kids as we do now. But here we are- just one big happy family.
While there are so many great things about having a large family, there are some obvious and not-so-obvious challenges of having this many kids.
So before having a big family, consider some of these things.
#5. Your secrets are not safe
That’s right.
Secrets don’t belong in a home with a large family. So many ears are lurking around, and someone is bound to hear your little whispers. If you think you’re having a private conversation with your husband without the kids knowing, chances are- that convo will spring up somewhere at church or unexpectedly somewhere else.
TIP: Your car is the safest getaway. Your secrets are safe there.
Your secret stash. Yeah. That doesn’t exist, either. Every parent has their secret snack stash hidden somewhere in the home or at least tries to. If you don’t, then you can’t sit with me.
Kids with bionic features can sniff out that stash like a hungry hawk. The more kids you have, the less chance you have of hiding your secret snacks. Meaning for large families- your secret stash is never safe.
TIP: Food delivery service will be your best friend. Meet them at the car.. when the kids are asleep. Or am I the only one that does that??
#4. No Privacy
We know this isn’t a secret, as I’m sure you have seen many videos of little hands under the doorway when mommy is using the lu. But that isn’t all.
There isn’t much privacy with one child in the home, but when you have multiple, you can say goodbye to any privacy you once had unless you parent them on respecting your boundaries, which is what I’ve done.
Boundaries are reasonable and necessary. However, kids should learn the significant limitations of boundaries, like peaking over your shoulder when you’re on the phone or keeping away when you’re on an important call.
My kids know that when I am in the office on a call, it’s quiet time and time for them to leave me alone for a second.
I also teach my kids to respect my adult time when I’m having conversations with adult friends unless someone is hurt or doing something they know they shouldn’t be doing, like playing with fire or if someone is doing something inappropriate. If it isn’t any of these things, leave the adults alone and mingle with the other little kiddos.
#3. it’s always LOUD
I don’t always mind the noise, but when it’s one of those days, and you desperately need peace, this can be challenging.
I didn’t realize how loud my home was until almost all of my kids were in school. It shocked me at how quiet the house got. But honestly, it was weird to me. I love the noise. I love hearing my kids laugh and play; sometimes, I don’t want peace. So please give me all the chaos!
I know it’s weird to love the noise, but maybe I’m used to it.
However, I do have days when the noise isn’t so pleasant. Fighting, loud banging noises, these things I don’t love hearing. So what do I do when the noise becomes a problem? Well, I enforce quiet time in their rooms.
My kids will use quiet time in their rooms for 1-2 hours doing anything subtle, reading a book—playing a game on the Ipad, or drawing a picture. We are good as long as they’re in their rooms and doing a calm activity!
#2. Finding a balance between small tedious things around the house
When you have multiple kids, the home can quickly become a mad house with you bouncing around trying to get to one child after another; shower and bath time, homework, lunches, etc.
But if you can figure out a functional routine and one that works for you, I promise you; it isn’t as bad as it sounds.
I don’t make things complicated. I don’t make complex lunches or elaborate breakfasts. Sometimes it’s something as simple as toast and fruit and yogurt, and then for lunches, a turkey sandwich, chips, a cookie, and some fruit/veggies.
My mantra is always to keep it simple. I keep it simple to keep my sanity. I see these other momma’s doing the most in making breakfasts and lunches. While making pancakes and eggs every morning for a dozen kids looks nice, that doesn’t work for me. We usually save the big breakfasts for weekends. During the school week, everything is on-the-go.
We try our best to keep on the schedule and routine we have set up but let’s be honest, some days are off, and that’s okay. I wouldn’t say I like losing my mind over things I can’t control. So if we couldn’t get to one thing, we let it go and tried the next day again.
Relatable: Laundry routine for my family of nine, Night routine with seven kids, How I manage a house with seven kids
#1. Finding the one kid who needs you the most and giving them that time
Every kid needs attention. Every kid craves alone time. But some days alone time can’t happen, especially when a lot is going on; sports, projects, illness, and work.
The biggest challenge in a large family is knowing which kid needs you the most. You may be asking, what if multiple kids need you- my answer is this, there is always one kid who needs you the most, and the challenge is knowing who that is if they’re not telling you they need you.
For a while, my daughter was bullied, and I had no idea. It went on for months. I only found out when I recognized small changes in her behavior and then significant changes. My busy schedule kept me away, but I knew she needed me.
So what did I do? First, my kids will always come. So, of course, I dropped everything and spent an exceptional amount of time with her.
We worked with the counselors and the bullies’ parents and were able to fix that problem as a team. But it took me a while, months even, to know that was happening to my kid. I was hurt and saddened for her because she was going to school every day for fear of being bullied by two little boys, and no one did anything to try and stop it.
I realized that as a mom to seven, finding the one kid who needs me now has been the challenge. With a busy schedule and taking care of my ill husband,- it’s easy to miss the little and big things. But, it is a working progress, and we continue to work through these challenges every day.
Nonetheless, having a large family has been the most significant and mightiest blessing in my life, and there is nothing I would do to change that.
What has been your biggest challenge as a parent? Let me know in the comments.
