How To Raise Self-Confident and Mentally Strong Kids
Having children is the most significant investment we’ll ever make if we can only learn to invest in them correctly.
Building confidence can be a process and, sometimes, a complex process depending on if you’re building confidence or restoring confidence in your kids. Still, nonetheless, both can be achieved by doing these things:
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- Support their agency
- Focus on their strengths
- Building strong communication skills at home
- Embrace failure with enthusiasm
- Teach them to be happy for others
- Teach them to love God
Support their agency
We all know that one parent is living their dreams through their kids. I was one of them until I learned I was only depriving them of their success.
I tried to rear my son off of football and convince him to try out for other sports because I, the mom, thought it was best for him. I wanted him to be the best that he could be. I thought it was the best way to teach versatility by learning different skills and strengths. But, I was hurting him by making him feel like he wasn’t good enough. So, I had to learn to step back, allow him to make his own choices, and support him in his endeavors. I didn’t know that by doing this, he would play the game the best he’s ever played in his life. The growth and success our kids can achieve if we can learn to support them instead of making choices for them.
Focus on their strengths
I read a quote by Deepak Chopra once on the internet that said:
“If a child is poor in math but good at tennis, most people will hire a math tutor. I would rather hire a tennis coach.”
My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD before starting kindergarten. We were informed that she would have some learning disabilities along the way. We saw her struggles firsthand in kindergarten. Unfortunately, the works were increasingly noticeable, specifically in first grade, when things worsened. She was always behind. We tried tutoring and special classes the school recommended, but nothing worked.
It wasn’t until she showed interest in MMA that we decided to try something different. We learned our daughter was a natural in MMA, specifically in Jiu Jitsu. So, we continued to take her to class year after year. But, again, we focused on what she loved and was good at. We continued this practice with the rest of our kids and have seen a dramatic change in them. Our daughter is now in 6th grade and was recently recommended by her teacher to begin KAP classes and was an honor roll student three years in a row.
Build strong communication skills
What seems to help my kids face challenges the most is when I have them speak about them. I encourage my kids to be vocal with their feelings.
Family counseling: is a family meeting we have once a month. The sole purpose of this meeting is to communicate with each other about everything. We leave everything out on the table. The kids sometimes take turns directing the conference and leading the conversations. We talk about things that are hurting us mentally or spiritually. Maybe one of the kids is losing their best friend, and they want to talk about it. Perhaps one kid is frustrated by our parenting style and would like to suggest tweaks they feel will help better us as parents. We take the time to not only counsel but to listen.
These meetings can be a little tricky depending on the topic, but it is necessary for building confidence and assertiveness in our kids.
Embrace failure with enthusiasm
Mistakes are inevitable as it is a part of our nature to mess up. Though it’s easier for adults to learn that errors build character and perseverance, I can’t say the same for kids. At least not mine.
My daughter was in gymnastics when she was seven years old, and she had witnessed several classmates move up in class. She was in the same category for a year and wondered if she would ever move up. I knew the other girls were more experienced, but I didn’t bother to let her know. She was in gymnastics for a year and a half before we moved out of state, and she never moved up in class. But she was the only kid in her class that could climb the rope to the ceiling, the only kid in her class to do pull-ups and the only kid who could do 20 proper push-ups consecutively, and the only kid in her class who could hold her pull-up for 20 seconds and more prolonged.
Instead of other people telling her what she couldn’t do, she focused on what she could do and honed her skills in strength training. That was her achievement, and she celebrated every push-up.
Teach them to be happy for others
I think it’s safe to say that we’ve all experienced a bit of envy and jealousy a time or two. Adults have experienced this enough times to know how to put a handle on these types of feelings. But can kids do the same? Maybe. Maybe not as well.
Despite the difference in experiences, we all want the same thing- to be happy. So what better way to raise happy kids than to teach them the art of being happy for others? I believe the best time to start teaching them is very early. With seven kids and 15 years of being a parent, I have gone through just about every kind of jealousy there is, and are some things I have learned to avoid and things that work well with helping my kids learn to be happy for others.
Here are things I learned to avoid:
- Do not overly praise
- Never compare kids to each other
- Do not ignore their feelings
- Do not speak negatively to them
Here are some things that work for us:
- Focus on the positives
- Teaching them to have a spirit of optimism
- Teaching them about gratitude
- validate their feelings
- Seeking value in themselves and what they have
Teach them to love God
I am an avid believer that the best and most crucial counseling your children (or you) will ever receive is the counseling that comes from Heaven.
We are a very religious family and are faithfully devoted to our Father in Heaven. I teach my kids to love our creator and to live a life that is worthy enough to receive His counseling.
There is no better teacher than God. No better place to receive parental counseling than the one who called upon us to become, as He is, a loving parent.
I believe in teaching my children to love God first and to have faith that everything else will fall into place. Therefore, the confidence that I instill in my children is not the confidence to love themself but rather to love Him first and have the faith to believe that anything is possible.
