Is a large family right for you? | the pros and cons of having a large family
Are you thinking of having a big family but having trouble deciding if it’s right for you? I have seven, and I’m here to walk you through all the pros and cons of having a large family.
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Choosing whether or not to have children in the future is a big enough decision to make alone; however, determining how many kids you want makes deciding on having kids a lot more complicated.
First, let me introduce myself if we haven’t met yet. My name is Elyane, and I am a mother to seven kids. We are a pretty large family than most. There are plenty of stigmas about having a big family – most of them not so good – so I’m here to break the barrier and give you the inner scoop from a mama who knows what it’s like having SO many kids.
Shop now for animated Halloween decorations from HalloweenCostumes.com!A little backstory
When my husband and I first married, we decided to have three children. That was our max. That is the number we had in mind. Our boy came first, and then our first daughter two and a half years later. Then we had our second daughter two years after our first daughter. We loved the fact that our girls would grow up together. But, our hearts shifted as we thought about having a brother for our eldest son. So we tried again and had a third daughter a year later.
Believe it or not, it was after having our fourth child that I decided I wanted more. I loved being a mom to four. It was the most incredible feeling in the world to me. I was sure my next child would be a boy and, sure enough, another girl. Eventually, we ended up with five girls, and our last baby was a boy. We took his birth as sealing the deal. WE WERE DONE!
While I have no regrets about having seven kids, there are things I wish I had considered before deciding on a large family.
What is typically considered a big family?
According to lawinsder.com, a family of five or more persons is considered a large family. Our family surpasses that mark. So if you have three or more kids, welcome aboard; you are a part of the large family community.
Dispelling large family misconceptions
Before we get to the nitty gritty on the good and the bad of having a large family, I thought it’d be fun to list some common misconceptions people have about large families.
Arianne Brown wrote an entire article on prominent family myths and hit the nail on the head with her article 6 common misconceptions of large families debunked. While these are all pretty accurate, I wanted to list some other misconceptions about large families, and some are pretty wild!
- Dirty home (because apparently, we don’t clean?)
- We have all the excellent parenting tips
- Must be on Government assistance
- No TV (believe it or not)
- Twins or Triplets
- Dysfunctional family
DIRTY HOME
When I have visitors, most are surprised by the cleanliness, which isn’t always entirely clean, in my opinion. But the shock on their faces tells me a clean home was the least of their expectations. Although, believe it or not, I’d had some folks comment after scanning my house that it is “pretty clean.” Not sure what that’s supposed to mean. Are large-family homes typically messy? Or is this the expectation of having seven kids?
WE HAVE ALL THE EXCELLENT PARENTING TIPS
Listen, I have come across parents with just one kid and have gotten the best parenting advice on sleep schedules, food recommendations, eczema treatments, and so on. Large families may have more experience with kids, but we certainly don’t know it all. I love getting tips from parents of all family sizes.
MUST BE ON GOVERNMENT ASSISTANCE
I never had any of my friends or co-workers comment on the large family on government assistance; however, shockingly enough- I’ve had extended family members ask about being on any government assistance. It made me wonder if other people outside my extended family have the same assumption about large families.
I am an avid believer that anyone who needs assistance should ask; thankfully, our family is fortunate enough to financially care for our own, much like many other prominent families I’ve seen.
NO TV
The saying goes, “was there no TV in the house?” Of course, this follows after the news we have seven kids. But, of course, having more than three kids means you might not own a tv.
TWINS OR TRIPLETS
Anytime I tell someone I have seven kids, I get asked if any were twins or triplets. The answer: is NO. They’re not always twins, you guys.
DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY
I once met a co-worker at my old job who commented that large families must be very dysfunctional. You could pretty much say we weren’t friends after that comment.
This is not true. I have seen some pretty amazing families with multiples that are insanely organized and pretty much got along with each other very well. A dysfunctional family is not based on size; the home’s foundation can create a dysfunctional family.
There are also some great tips online that can teach you how to manage a family of any size. There are many ways to manage a home with multiple kids. Please read my post here about managing a house with seven kids.
The pros and cons of large families
Whether or not you decide to have children can be a life-changing moment for you and your spouse. But, add in the multiple kid factor, and you have yourself a challenge.
It is quite a bit of a temporary sacrifice to have a kid or multiple, for that matter, but having a large family is an even more enormous sacrifice. You sacrifice more time, more money, and more energy. But if you can get passed the side-eyed stares and people head-counting your family, the rewards of having such a large family are far greater than its challenge, in my opinion.
So, if you’re thinking of having a large family, here are some things to consider:
THE PROS
- Lots of celebrations
- we learn to get creative
- You get good at managing money
- Kids learn a lot about gratitude
- So many birthday celebrations
- Never a dull time at the home
- You always have someone to turn to
- Kids are great at learning social and emotional skills
- Lots of helpers
- It’s always so much fun!
- Easily inspired to try and do different things
- You know how to work together
- Kids learn to share at home and everywhere else
- Raising generations
- Kids rarely attend school alone
- You learn perseverance
- Love grows more in the home
- Strong family bond
- It gets easier after your third kid
THE CONS
- More Kids, more money
- Not enough one-on-one time
- It can get disorganized quickly
- Someone always feels left out
- Mind the chaos
- Planning family vacations and hotels
- Mentally and physically draining
- School scheduling conflicts
- You can forget about daycare. TOO EXPENSIVE!
- People love counting your kids
- You get stared at a LOT!
I hope this article finds you well and offers great help in deciding about your future family. Though this article may lean more towards having a large family, I understand that not everyone wants a large family or any children. If I left anything out, please let me know in the comments. I would love to hear your thoughts.
