6 Important things I taught my daughter that helped her prepare to become a teenager
“You are one choice away from changing your whole life”
Make it a good one.
Do you ever think back on your life and remember your days as a teenager? I would look back often and think about the things I wish I knew. I know that there is absolutely nothing you can do to fully prepare your children to become the young adults they are meant to become – but if I could help make the transition a little easier, how would support, and what would I say?
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Here are some things I shared with my children – something I wish I had known when I was a teenager.
6 Things I Told My Pre-teen To Prepare Her For Her Teenage years
- CHANGES
As parents, we can see these changes happening from a mile away, and sometimes it hits us like a ton of bricks. How did time fly so fast?
You might think everyone around you is changing, but it’s not them, it’s you.
I remember hearing another mother telling her child this when my children were younger, and fewer of them were born. I thought, wow, that is harsh! But she was right. My son was the first to begin to merge into the teenage world; surprisingly, he was very mature about it. He dealt with the changes gracefully and kept us in the loop with everything that was going on with him at school and in school activities.
On the other hand, my daughter (second oldest) can’t say the same about her. She is 11 right now, but I recognized the changes in her when she turned 10. My daughter, my little best friend, was leaving her childhood behind and growing into this mature young pre-teen. But she didn’t stop herself from leaping over too soon. She was sprinting to get there! She wanted to grow faster than she was, and I was not ready for it. But neither was she.
I could see the quick shift in her weighing her down, and I knew that even though she pushed me away, she needed me more than ever. I immediately thought about that mother who spoke to her child, and I gave her the same advice. Since then, we talked about everything else- this little piece of advice was the doorway to her little heart and mind. Who would have thought tough love on a tenacious teenager would find her wanting me back in her world?
2. BE KIND TO YOURSELF
By this age, kids are trying to figure out who they are. Or what group of friends they fit in. Many kids may already have figured out what they like about their friends and what they don’t like. I knew this would indefinitely affect the way my daughter viewed herself.
Teaching pre-teens to love themselves at a stage in their life is an arduous task. However, I needed to introduce her to be kind to herself. I wanted her to know that she can’t please everyone in the world and that just because someone doesn’t like something about her, it doesn’t mean they don’t like her per se; it just means they are not in agreement with the same things. One tip I give my kids; if you want to be the best version of yourself, you must first be kind to yourself.
If someone had told that to my younger self, I would have had different experiences in my life growing up.
3. JUDGE RIGHTEOUSLY
The ups and downs of a teenager. They are the most indecisive creatures on the planet. They may like one thing one day and then hate it the next day, and people are no exception to this. They will be emotional and might get into the bad habit of judging off of emotions.
I knew from experience, as we all do, that she would learn to distinguish between being annoyed by someone or not liking them for who they are. And believe me, when I say this, there is a colossal difference between the two opinions. So I needed my daughter to know that before she makes her opinion about someone, it is best to understand that you’re either judging someone based on pure annoyance or just pure dislike. And the best way to distinguish between the two is to make sure the trait she doesn’t like about the other person isn’t the same trait she has.
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4. TRUST YOUR GUT
The intuitive feelings we get in our gut must be carefully nurtured. It is the strongest signal our bodies give us when something is wrong.
We are a religious family. Our strong foundation in our home is built solely on our faith and trust in our Heavenly Father. I am an avid believer that intuition is a gift from the heavens, and I teach my kids to nurture these gifts. One of my biggest fears is having one of my kids completely ignore the gut feeling that is warning them that there’s danger ahead. So it wasn’t hard for me to teach my daughter that if she has that gut feeling, or if something makes her feel uncomfortable about a person, place, or thing, always follow it.
5. BELIEVE WHAT THEY SHOW YOU
Now that your pre-teen’s minds are maturing and changing, chances are, many of their relationships will also change. Children at a very, very young age are forgiving and so innocent. They can be treated wrongly and can still forgive and forget without knowing it. The effects are intangible and usually come in the form of a mental disorder.
I knew I wanted to protect my kids from people like this. It’s easy to do that as a child because you’re with them most of the time. But teenagers want to get away from you. So I wanted my daughter to know that a part of them following their gut feelings is also believing that when an adult shows you who they are, believe them.
6. CHOICES
My most vital and precious desire is that when my kids leave the nest, they are ready and prepared to take on complete independence. They begin this journey early- like Junior High early. Junior High and High school scream peer pressure! It’s written all over the school grounds. You never know what things they’re learning within their surroundings. We talk about making the right choice a ton. It is the most visited and discussed conversation we engage in with our children. We grill in our daughter’s ears as she prepares herself to be a full-on teenager [insert the crying emoji here].
I wanted my daughter to know that choices can either make or break you. Either you want to make a good choice and live a good life. Or make a bad one and live with the consequences. You pick
I know that I can fully prepare my daughter for this next stage in her life. She will need to make mistakes and learn – we know how important that is for us all. Mistakes are okay, and I make sure to tell her this too. But If I can make it just a little bit easier for her transition, I will gladly do all I can for her.
What has helped your child prepare for the teenage world? Let me know in the comments below. I’d love to learn from other parents.
