How I found joy in being a mom again
My husband and I met when we were 21. We began our family shortly after, and the kids never stopped coming.
As a mom, you may have learned that having children is our greatest blessing. We create so many precious moments and build great family memories with them. They become the most significant responsibility and a priceless investment in our lives. We teach them their first prayer. We celebrate their first step, their first ooh’s and ah’s.
As we dingle our way through parenthood, we will find ourselves among many challenges in circumstances that no one could prepare us for and that can swiftly remove all the Joy and happiness we once felt as mothers.
That is what happens; at least to me, it did.
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The calm before the storm
While having children can be a tremendous blessing, I don’t always feel that way.
They are credit to their parents and the homes from which they come
-Gordan B. Hinckley
As a young mom starting my parent journey- nothing brought more happiness than my children and husband. So I never bothered to think too far ahead, like making plans or goals for myself for the future. Instead, I solely focused on the present day and basked in the Joy of my little one.
As the years passed, our family continued to grow, and the challenges of parenthood were becoming less fulfilling. It didn’t feel the same as before. I was more tired, more grumpy, as I had less time to myself. I slowly started losing myself as an individual; all I was known for was being a mom.
The Resentment
I felt resentful toward my children. The children I was so excited to have no longer made me happy. Suddenly, I wanted to travel, go to school, and find a job. I wanted to feel important and needed in other parts of my life. I wanted more to my schedule than laundry, bottle cleaning, and poopy diapers all day. I desperately craved the busy schedule I saw other young women like myself had.
What was wrong with me? I asked myself so many questions:
- Should I have waited?
- Did I make the right decision in having children?
- Why did I choose to have a big family?
- Is there more to be than just being a mom?
- Where did the Joy in having children go?
- Do I still love them?
- Does this make me a bad mom? A bad person?
All of these questions flooded into me, and the guilt – oh, that guilt- that ‘mom guilt’ that every mom will feel at least once in their parent journey- that guilt came crawling in like a bad habit every day. I knew I loved them, and my heart could never deny that, but my mind and spirit were in two different places. I didn’t know how to be in sync with my mind, body, and soul at the moment. At that very moment in life, I was falling into depression, and I knew I needed help finding that Joy I once had with my children.
Where did things turn around for me?
The first step for me was recognizing that I was becoming depressed. Although I didn’t need to be medically diagnosed with depression, as my husband has suffered from depression his whole life, I was very familiar with the symptoms he would describe to me about his depression.
The second step for me was to admit that my depression didn’t come from having my children; instead, I was dealing with internal and unaddressed issues as an individual and not as a mother.
Third, and most importantly, I loved my children, and that was a fact.
All I needed to do was take care of myself. But instead, I took part in being a mother to its fullest extent and neglected myself almost completely. My resentment came from deep within, the details of us that we mothers tend to avoid most frequently and forget that taking care of ourselves is also a part of having children and being a mother.
I learned that to love my children wholeheartedly; I must first love myself.
It didn’t take long for me to overturn my depression. It still creeps in from time to time. However, I am more attentive and aware of my feelings nowadays. I had to learn that depression is a feeling made up of many different events in my life and that it didn’t have to be a part of me or my life. It shouldn’t confine me from being a mom- or a happy mom.
As the matriarch of our families, we think that we must have it all together. We must keep our little kiddos happy twenty-four-seven and have all the answers we need as parents. But, unfortunately, we don’t. Like every life lesson we learn through trial and error, parenthood is no exception.
How did I find Joy being a Mom again?
1. Self Care
Taking care of myself became a priority. It was vital to take care of myself first for me to find love and happiness in motherhood again.
We make a lot of necessary sacrifices when we become mothers, delayed careers, and have body changes, but what doesn’t need sacrificing- is our mental health.
Ladies, take care of yourself. Love yourself too. Health is wealth and including your mental health.
2. I understood my divine purpose
I was born to be a mother. Doubting in the first place only brought resentment to my children and robbed me of my happiness with them.
God planted within women something divine that expresses itself in q quiet strength, in refinement, in peace, and in goodness, in virtue, in truth, and in love. And all of these remarkable qualities find their truest and most satisfying expression in motherhood.
– Gordan B. Hinckley
I did not become a mother by mistake. I am living my purpose.
3. I cherished each moment with them
I remind myself on every hard day that my children will one day leave the nest. They are not meant to be with us all their life. One day I will miss the mess in the kitchen and the writings on the wall. These moments are precious; cherish them.
4. I remembered to give myself grace
I am more than just a mom. I am a teacher, advisor, nurturer, and consoler. I am among many things to my children.
We, as mothers, develop many tools and use them to better our children’s lives. Our children, however, carry the essential tool that grants us the kind of happiness no other thing or object can give us. When we can learn to step back and remind ourselves that all we can do, is love our children and try our best- we can start to appreciate the little reminders of why we chose to have children in the first place.
Let me know in the comments what ways you try to enjoy being a mom again. I’d love to connect and hear your thoughts!
